“I have this great idea for a startup but then again…maybe it won’t work.”
“I‘m no good at public speaking so I’m just going to avoid it.”
“That job sounds amazing but I’d never get it.”
“I can’t be a good mother and have a career that I love.”
Limiting beliefs
Above are all examples of limiting beliefs at play. A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. It‘s a story that you have created about yourself or about the world around you and because you keep repeating it, it’s now ingrained in you subconscious. We think these stories are keeping us safe but really, they‘re just restricting our greatness and potential.
Everyone has limiting beliefs to some extent but how they show up and how we deal with them can differ significantly. And yes – it can be the difference between achieving success and never daring to try at all.
Where do they come from?
Our beliefs are usually formed in our childhood, by those who were closest to us. Our parents, our primary caregivers, educators and the society we grew up in all contribute. They can also come from negative experiences in childhood and the conclusions we have drawn from these. Unfortunately, no matter where they came from, they have the power to shape who we are. Quite often, we don’t even realise they‘re there, nor do we understand how they’re keeping us from reaching our own potential. They need to be brought to our attention and we really need to acknowledge them before they can dissolve.
How do we overcome the them?
The good news is that we don’t have to go through life accepting these beliefs. Although they may be deeply ingrained in our thinking and it may take some work, we can reprogram these beliefs and stories in our head.
1. The first step is actually a matter of identifying them. Next time you make an excuse about something, stop yourself and ask ‘is this true?’ Perhaps you’ll realise that this is nothing but a story you’ve created.
2. Acknowledge them and dig deeper. By doing this, you’ll come to understand where they may have come from. Once you‘ve acknowledged that this is actually a limiting belief, you can start to dig a big deeper to understand when and where you picked up this belief. There are many ways in which you can do this. An easy way to start exploring by yourself is to take a piece of paper and write down all the times that you have used this excuse or seen this belief come up. Are there any patterns? When did this first show up in your life? Can you trace it back to it’s roots? Is this a belief that you concluded or is it a belief that someone else instilled in you at a young age? For example, how often are we told that ‘money is dirty‘? Parents usually say this because it has circulated amongst many people and carries germs, but there’s a much deeper negative connotation to this message that a young person could pick up. Words are powerful but your brain can sometimes misunderstand the meaning. We should be very careful about the messages we send to the brain.
3. Understand their role and question their truth. One of the most important things in the process is understanding what their role has been but also to question their truth. Most often than not, these beliefs have been formed from an incorrect conclusion. When we can see that there is no actual truth in the belief, it‘s much easier to let go of. Some good questions to ask yourself: What was it protecting me from? Where‘s the evidence? Is that really true? For example, maybe you got up when you were eight years old to speak in class. You made a mistake and everyone in class laughed. You don’t think much of it at the time but now that you’re an adult, you loathe public speaking to the point where even speaking up in meetings is painful. When you were eight and you were laughed at, you said to yourself, if I never speak again in public, no one will ever be able to hurt me again. This is the story you have told yourself since. It’s not that you’re not good at it, it’s just that your eight year old self is trying to protect you from being humiliated again.
4. Reframe them. Once you‘ve been able to debunk the truth, you can then reframe the belief. Affirmations are a great way to reframe these into a positive statement to use daily. In the example of public speaking above, a great way to reframe this and turn it into an affirmation is: ‘I’m not eight years old anymore, I don’t need protecting -> I am an excellent public speaker’.
Sometimes, it‘s difficult to understand where these beliefs have come from. There can be many layers to sift through. This is where techniques such as hypnotherapy can help you tap into your subconscious and remember where the root cause is located.